To begin, we love our daughter. She’s a happy, healthy baby, enjoying her life as a happy, healthy baby. In life, health is not always granted, and we feel blessed knowing Sophie has so far been able to grow as she should.
That being said, I have to be honest and admit I didn’t have the “love overflows within me immediately” moment. Many friends told me this immense love washed over them as soon as they heard the baby’s first cry. For Amanda and I, one of the most real conversations we’ve ever had came when we admitted both of us were still growing to love Sophie. Were there times early on I thought, well if for some reason Beyonce wanted to come raise our child, Amanda and I could go back to normal? Yes, there were. I never seriously wanted that, but it did enter my mind.
Now, everything’s changed. I find myself absolutely in love with her. We were on a walk yesterday, and I found myself just kissing her forehead over and over again. She’s so cute and precious and wonderful and ... see, that overflow of love is there.
Here are few of the ups and downs that brought us to where we are now seven weeks in.
People always say parenting will change your life and that it’s really hard. Hearing that though, and actually going through it are very different things. We tried to prepare ourselves, but truthfully, there’s no preparation for the lack of sleep and the full on effect taking care of a newborn has.
Let’s start with Sleep and it’s related friend, Breastfeeding. For the first few weeks, we couldn’t sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. Amanda and I had committed to breastfeeding, and we were doing our best to feed “on demand” as many of the classes and books suggested. What we didn’t realize is how dang hard it would be!
I’d assumed since the pregnancy had gone so smoothly, the birth was very good, breastfeeding would come naturally as well. Unfortunately, not everything went to plan. Despite Amanda feeling pain during pretty much every feeding, we tried to stay with it exclusively for the first few weeks. Amanda was getting almost no sleep, because even after we put the baby back down at night, she was anxious about the next feeding. At about the 2 and a half week mark, we started introducing bottles. No, this wasn’t part of the plan, but it seemed like a must to us. Since then, things have gotten much easier. Not only could I help out more significantly with the feedings, but so could family members and friends. (One of the best parts was while Amanda’s mom was in town, she took the baby for a night in the living room, just so we could get a full night’s rest.)
We’ve now moved exclusively to bottle feeding, while also supplementing with formula. There’s another big word, formula. I’m not sure what my hold up was about it, but in my head, using formula felt like failure. That’s foolish of course, because you never meet someone and say, “Oh, you can tell he was totally formula fed.” And you’ve heard the saying, a fed baby is all that matters. That’s proven to be true. Amanda is sleeping more, the baby is sleeping more and so am I. At least at night that is.
Everyone told us beforehand, sleep when the baby sleeps. That’s easy to say, but during the day it can be harder to accomplish. Sometimes Sophie sleeps for two or three hours, sometimes she sleeps for 15 minutes. Amanda is doing her best to squeeze in cat naps when she can.
Sleep and breastfeeding were the major hurdles. Now that we’ve reached a happy routine for us, everything is going more smoothly.
Side note, I'm writing this on one of my few off days. Thankfully, my work was cooperative with me and let me build up my vacation time to use once the baby arrived. That being said, I hate there's no paternity leave. It has hurt me leaving Amanda with the baby, while I go to work. Amanda has handled the challenge though. Like our doctor told us, she's doing multiple jobs for the baby: she's the cook, she's the maid, she's the teacher ... she's mom.
Overall, it feels like Sophie wants these very common baby things: eat, sleep, have someone change diapers, be held and be in motion. One side benefit, I’m meeting more and more neighbors! At any time during the day, you might find me walking the hallways, baby in arm, trying to calm her or rock her to sleep. My mother-in-law started the walking-soothing technique for us, and I’ve enjoyed carrying it on. Sophie is enamored with the hallway lights, plus I enjoy playing country music songs for her while walking at 3 AM! (I like to think of “Wanna Be That Song,” by Brett Eldredge as our song)
Emotionally, for both Amanda and me, there’s been moments of doubt, even sadness, but then there’s the great joys as well. For example, when Sophie has the milk drunk face. Or, how about the first time I got to take Sophie in the baby bjorn and walk her around the block with Bali! Yes, part of me was just proud I figured out how to actually use the bjorn!!!
Bali has been a great big sister so far. While she doesn’t get the same attention she used to, we’re making concerted efforts to show her we love her as well. She’s great with the baby, checking on Sophie when she cries. Plus, now Bali gets to sleep in the bed with Mommy and Daddy! In the middle of the night when we’re trying to go back to sleep, having our fur baby is just so comforting.
Through all of it, the baby acne, the poop explosions through her diaper, Sophie’s piercing cry when she got her vaccinations, etc, we’ve tried to appreciate this early time, because we know it goes fast. Then again, I’m happy to have passed the six week threshold. Everyday will provide new fun moments and new challenges. The good news is we’ve had immense support from family and friends.
I know for many of us, it feels like there’s a lot of darkness in the world right now. Sophie is the light for Amanda and me. We want to show her by being kind, loving and helpful to others, we’re making a better life for her. We can’t fix the world, but we can make a difference in the lives around us. And who knows, maybe Sophie will want to be President one day!
